An Answerless Riddle

"Happiness beamed out of you!"

"I have never seen you smile like that on stage."

"Your arms were like way out here." *shows example*

Okay, so that last one was my dad, but it's a true statement! My first performance at The Ohio State University was something I will truly never forget. Being in Eddie Taketa's piece was a blessing. Changing my dancing, my perspective on performance, and finding cast mates that turned into great friends were the treasures I found this first semester at OSU.

The rehearsal process was stimulating and long. Meeting four times per week for about two hours each day, we constantly created something new. Constantly working with a vigorous creation process, we made the movement with Eddie. I enjoyed this constant communication with Eddie. He kept an open conversation and a work ethic in every single rehearsal. Although this was vigorous, It never felt exhausting. This piece took a lot of stamina, but we worked on creating a movement quality that didn't have to feel like work. Expanding and playing with the movement made everything like a game. It was so much fun to be looking around at my cast while dancing and beaming with smiles and butterflies in our stomachs as we created this wonderland scene.

Before this piece, it had been an entire year since I had been on a stage with lights and a traditional audience setting watching me dance. I had been feeling that I was missing something. I was thinking that this was the moment that would make me feel fulfilled again. While it was magical to feel the rush of performance again, I found that the process and my experiences put together from this semester was what fulfilled me most. I had been looking at performance as if it was the answer to my questions about my future. Doubts about dance being so hard to grasp in my future career made me feel like I had to search for something. I love to perform, it's a big reason why I dance, but I realized that there is a lot more that fulfills me as a dancer, artist, and human that I was neglecting. Performance is a part of me in every day life. It is not something separate in my life, and I have found that when I am in a setting with lights and a traditional audience, I do not have to be someone different or create an expectation that wasn't there in the first place. Not every performance will be this way, I just want to acknowledge that I had been looking for something to fulfill me, when it has been with me all along.

Oh, and this cast. Sometimes you have the blessing with a responsible, loving, and knowledgable group of artists in a cast. If you asked me at the beginning of this process what this cast would become, I would have told you that these puzzle pieces probably just won't fit together. I loved the way our differences matched. I loved the way that there was no ego-driven personalities and a constant conversation of artistry. We were willing to share and receive. I learned so much from these people. We seemed so far apart in personality and interests. I feel that once I opened up to them, they opened up to me. A hidden answerless riddle that we could have never addressed until the time was right.

The last performance on Saturday, December 2nd was our best. We played and created and our arms were like way out there. Thank you to Eddie, Kat, Lia, Sophia, Maddie, Madeline, Marissa, Maggie, Kali, and Sara for something I will cherish forever!